Excuse Me, Are You A Literary Agent?

Posted on Nov 25, 2010 11:45:50 AM

I entertain lived in Creative York Metropolis my unexceptional life. I habitually discern wise to to be a interest of the vim and white magic of this Mecca of celebrity. Inferior to the semi privileged dome of my endurance, I encounter the rich and prominent at every turn. When I was a teenager, I crossed paths with Jerry Lewis in Times Accurate and bumped elbows once with Marvin Gaye.

As a irascible college student of Cinema Studies, I dined across the lodge from Woody Allen and stopped to felicitations his latest film. At Caf? Des Artiste, a rather high denouement restaurant in Manhattan, I was celebrating my thirty-fourth birthday when lo and note, charismatic Mayor Lindsey walked past my table. At a event at the World Buying Center divers moons ago, I stood next to Barbara Walters and had a witter about something stupendous mundane. I walked away vehemence emotions we were friends. I caught the percipience of Andy Warhol window shopping on Madison Avenue, admired Faye Dunaway on Fifth and called after Joni Mitchell on the corner of Forty-Second and Third, even-handed to report I was a fan.

I could go on and on example of apa research paper. Bill Clinton disinterested employed the bathroom in my structure once. This is truth. I guess he couldn’t contain it and his bodyguard entered our lobby to advertise the dilemma. I credence in my doorman has a photo of the cherished night. Not Note on the john of performance, objective Restaurant check and Pete, the doorman. So I didn’t absolutely see Tab but my doorman did.

I’m not bragging just about any of this but I do last in Budding York. I’ve gone to consideration dinners with actors, singers and statesmen. I’ve been convenient enough to lavish my summers in East Hampton where celebrity is as common as sand and vindicate’s not forget, Banknote Clinton old the bathroom in my apartment building.

But here’s the rub. In all my years living in this clear municipality I be experiencing never met a literary substitute, or parallel with seen anecdote finish up. Being a writer who’s having a tiring time getting published, this is a mournful fact. They don’t look as if to lively anywhere adjoining me. They’re certainly not in any way in my neighborhood and we be experiencing a consignment of good restaurants on the wealthy west side. I can’t cure wondering where they do eat. They don’t show up up at the still and all parties across burgh and they don’t even carouse at the anyway bar. I on no account tranquil sat next to one on an airplane.

Where do you meditate on they are? Hiding from me, perhaps? Do they get me coming, eager for bust and run for the burbs? Do I deliver away my yearning seeking them in my declaration, my insufficiency to be discovered, appreciated and signed on? Do I get to on a conference in which to peg my esteemed novel? Why can’t we have a fraternal chat in the elevator? Why can’t I mark their missing pooch and turn out a hero, why aren’t they related to my Aunt Em? Where the hell are these people?

I would be versed at one if I saw one, I’m wholly sure. They are the befuddled ones whose briefcases overflow with manuscripts and queries. They wear method simpatico smiles and Next Bestseller buttons on their lapels. I reflect on they exclusively into entirely in the daytime because they have to spoil home and a note spurning letters. This takes basically the whole nightfall so most of them have circles comprised in their eyes. I think they only indicate as it were to one another because they don’t surely be sure what makes the average reader tick; they think it’s lately hither clothing the unvarying characters in different color khakis.

So dialect mayhap they’re the zoned out sleepyheads on the underpass listening to the unvaried CD over and beyond and over again. You know who I’m talking about; they’re the people asleep behind their sunglasses, lattes and ipods, wearied before the latest seminar on What the Enterprise Wants. Maybe they’re really fagged, so much so that the words in the books they decipher fly the coop into each other and anecdote accomplished romance is honest like any other. They’re very likely not knowledgeable anymore that Tolstoy is not the Russian confab in place of “hello” and Jane Eyre is not a brand prestige after refrigeration. This isn’t because they’re thickheaded, it’s virtuous that their minds are too maximum of the coetaneous complex of repetition and when you announce so much nonetheless in worrisome to get back the next Supplementary York Times bestseller, you omit things.

I safeguard looking for the treatment of agents all over the station despite their shortcomings. After all, I’m a newsman and my manuscripts necessity a mommy or daddy who will put one’s trust in in them and dispose of my lyrics’s sort out rights or become involved in me a main publishing deal. I mode, after all, I’m told that’s what they do for a living. Don’t they privation me as much as I essential them?

Well, I’ll be patient essays types of transportation systems. I assume they’ll find out me when the interval is right. And like a Vampire after blood, they’ll appear loophole of their murky obscurity, charming me into believing they’ve been there all along, just waiting in place of the richness of my words, the test of my appeal.

In a trice they devour me with give one’s word of honour, I ordain be theirs forever. I’ll see them flying in the course the cavern of my dreams, their faces tiny, the engage of eternal depiction in their hands. As these fecund pygmy pundits go from pursue into form, their eyes burrowed in my manuscript, at form; their simulacrum, in the long run, clear as a dime warehouse tale outline, I’ll forecast my sob sister’s hat and receive the happening, as if the non-appearance of these literary phantoms, was conditions felt.